Set me ablaze, O Angel
Immolation never seemed so appealing
Allow me to finally melt
To crumble in your clutches, a blood-soaked heap
Tear away from this frame my rigid defenses
Or allow me to roast in my armor
Instill within me a warmth however false
Conceal the chill I've allowed to settle
Set me ablaze and I'll learn to tread slowly
As I traverse these idle bridges
If this organic cloak is to break at the seams
If this impotent shell is to crack before I pass
Will you allow me to peek out from my hollow bastion?
Sight may escape my bloodshot eyes
My throat may hold captive my cries
But
For once
A glimpse may be caught of reality
A bloody and tired
Weak, weary, and weeping
Naked and pathetic
Unguarded and vulnerable me

I didn't have a particularly good day. It's hard to express what I'm feeling right now; it all comes out as crappy, melodramatic prose. I hate feeling weak, I hate knowing that no matter how much I sleep, I'll still be tired, I'll still desire rest. It's frustrates me to feel so broken and to find myself unable to break down and get it over with. It's frustrating to realize that I've been living in such a repressed state, that I've swallowed so much for so long, that I don't know how to be vulnerable. It's one thing to be honest, it's another to be open, and another still to be vulnerable. I'm an honest guy and can usually be pretty open, but vulnerable... Showing your scars isn't vulnerability. Allowing your bruises to show isn't vulnerability. It's showing your open wounds, those bleeding parts of you that even you don't want to see, allowing someone else to see into the deeper places of your being, the places you go to hide. I don't know. 

Forgive my babbling, I admit I hit the Patron again tonight, albeit not as hard as last time. Last time, it made me relaxed, contemplative, and unable to judge depth. Tonight it just made me sad. I think I'm gonna go watch some Bleach and then try to sleep this off.